This Sunday, America will gather for the yearly tradition that is Super Sunday. What started as a few friends getting together to watch the best football teams battle for the title has changed dramatically over the past couple of decades. Due to the incredibly high viewership, commercial time has become a hot commodity for businesses and advertising companies worldwide. And because most Americans are hungry for laughter, many of these companies decided to use their money and ad time to become amateur comedians. And we fell for it. Well, not me. I have NEVER actually laughed at ANY commercial in my entire life. Why? Because they aren't funny. The jokes are stale, and we have seen every situation over and over again.
Yet, every Super Bowl party or gathering I attend is a romp through Laughsville, USA:
"Hey, look-it's a baby!! He can talk!!! And he's buying stock!! Ha, ha, ha. That's hilarious"!
"P Diddy just tipped his sunglasses down from his eyes-that means he's confused. I can't stop laughing"!
"Willie Nelson and Busta Rhymes having a Coke together?? Hee, hee. They are so different from each other-this situation is both abnormal and outrageous"!
"That guy must really be a witch doctor-that guy's head is hilariously small!! He means business. Ha"!
Not a commercial passes without several people laughing as loud as can be. Why? No one knows for sure, but even worse than this is guy-who-laughs-at-Super-Bowl-commercials-they-already-saw-months-later-at-a-sports-bar. This guy is everywhere. Laughing and laughing and laughing at the exact same unfunny commercial they've seen dozens of times before. This guy needs to die. Right now.
In order for America to climb out of this recession, we need to get back to the basics. Super Bowl Sunday needs to be about football. A celebration of the wonderful season that was. And a sending-off of sorts, as football fades away for 6 long months. And most importantly, America needs to imprison the guys I described above. Get them off the streets where their incessant and unnecessary laughter poisons all within earshot. We need our football back. We need our quiet back. We need our country back.