Letters to the Editor

One of my favorite pastimes is making myself angry. I can accomplish this in many ways, but my rage-inducer of choice is reading letters to the editor. Morons across America take their time writing meaningless questions or sending their worthless opinions to newspapers and magazines. I am giving these people the benefit of the doubt in assuming they no longer actually physically send these letters through regular mail. If someone out there still does, WOW. You instantly move to the top of the "uneducated loners with lots of free time" pyramid. Congratulations, Walt Whitman. Now climb back onto your pony and leave us 21st century folk alone.

A typical letter to the sports page of the News and Observer here in Raleigh reads, "Dear editor, I am tired of your constant coverage of Wolfpack athletics. My team (ECU, Duke, UNC) played a great game over the weekend, yet you covered NC State's game on the front page. And they lost. Please stop your pro-State bias, and give the more worthy teams in the area more coverage", signed Edward McIdiot. Thanks for the letter, Mr. McIdiot. You do realize, however, that the News and Observer is a Raleigh newspaper, and NC State is in Raleigh, right? If you want to read about UNC, why not pick up the Chapel Hill News? There would be a catastrophic uprising if the Chapel Hill News actually covered State athletics, so why do you expect NC State's home city to ignore them to cover every school within a hundred miles? This type of letter drives me insane. Anyone who actually thinks Raleigh's paper should spend more time on Duke, Appy State, UNC, and ECU than on NC State should be imprisoned for life without parole. Each of these colleges is in a city with their own newspaper. READ THAT ONE, and leave me alone.

There was a recent letter which stated, "I have been a News and Observer subscriber for 35 years, and I have NEVER been more ashamed. The picture on the front of the sports page of Russell Wilson getting sacked, which led to his concussion, was low-brow. This is not an image I want my children to see, not to mention, the young QB himself. You should be embarrassed for publishing that, and I will now cancel my subscription". Great, sir-go ahead. I'm sure they really care about you. What was so offensive about that picture? You've watched football before, right? Would you have preferred a crisp action photo of you and your buddies playing shuffleboard at the nursing home?

The second type of letter to the editor which fills my rage meter can often be found in Parade magazine. Every week, Americans continue to astound me with their questions about washed up actors and actresses. "Dear Parade, my husband and I disagreed on what Sophia Lauren has been up to in the past 10 years. Please clear this up for us". Ummm, hey-have you heard of the internet? In the time it took you to write this letter, mail it, and have Parade publish it, you and your husband could have found your answer on wikipedia within seconds, then wrote and published a 600 page biography of Sophia Lauren. I hope you were still alive when Parade got around to publishing your answer. Every single one of the questions posed to Parade can be answered in 3 seconds via the internet, yet people still send these letters. Why?

90210-Episode 7 Summary

The Taming of the Shrew

After an inexplicable 3 weeks of reruns, we are back with a new episode.

We were left with the disturbing image of my love, Adrianna, on the floor after a drug overdose. Let's hope everything is OK...

The episode begins at yet another Wilson family breakfast. Annie is taking her driver's test, and Dixon is verbally testing her. These two have to be among the worst actors in the business. I do not believe for a millisecond that this is an actual family, and Annie in particular, is shocking in her ineptness.

The homecoming dance is this weekend, and although Dixon proclaims that he has yet to ask Silver, he immediately makes fun of Annie when she hasn't been asked. Why? You haven't asked your girlfriend, either. Annie and Ethan immediately make a weird pact at school-they will not go together, but will dance. All to protect Annie's newest best friend, Naomi. This also makes no sense, because Annie has known Ethan forever, and hated Naomi up until 4 minutes ago, so why do they care? I am boring myself. Let's move on.

Hi, Adrianna. How are you? Checking into rehab? Don't do it-it's dangerous in there, and you won't have access to your pills. A tame and sober you isn't what I wanted. If you care about me, you will walk away now. Nope, apparently she doesn't care, as she walks into the enormous and empty rehab mansion.

Navid then walks in to creep Adrianna out. Please go away. No one likes you. He is there to write a story for the paper, and thankfully, Adrianna isn't having it. She borrows his cell phone to make a call, then tells him to get lost. Nice.

Naomi continues to ignore her attempts to reconcile, which drives Adrianna deeper into despair.  Oh, look who's back-Navid. He brings her DVD's, lotion, and some other useless crap. She disregards the gifts, and begs him to bring Naomi. What's with everyone's sudden obsession with Naomi? Essentially ignored by everyone, including her own family, for the first 6 weeks, she is now #1 on everyone's best friend list. Plot line # 12 that makes no sense. Why am I watching this show again? 

Here's why-after Navid fails to bring Naomi to Adrianna, she breaks out of rehab, and shows up at the homecoming dance to beg for forgiveness. Naomi rejects her, which forces Adrianna to walk out to the parking lot, where she meets up with her source of drugs. I'm giddy with anticipation-just get in his SUV. He has what you need. The pills will forgive you, Adrianna. I won't judge you. Nooooo. Go away, Navid. Navid kills everyone's buzz by yanking Adrianna right out of the car. Thankfully, the dealer punches him in the face, but the damage is done. After boring her silly with stories from the past, she relents, and stays sober. Booooooo.

Everyone else in the cast makes out with someone, and the episode ends.

Adrianna, I love you, but unless you start using again, I'm afraid my relationship with you and with 90210 may come to an end. The taming of you must cease immediately. The other actors are terrible, 86% of the plot lines bore me to tears, and I'm 36 years old watching a show about high school. Something's got to give....

Midnight Madness

The University of North Carolina officially opens it's 2008-2009 college basketball season this Friday night with it's annual "Midnight Madness" event. This is the first legal day to hold a practice with coaches, and it's a jolly event for all. Lots of dunks, lots of laughs, and lots of smug fakeness from Coach Roy Williams. What was that? You vaguely recall Carolina practicing during exams in the spring?

That's correct. UNC held a full squad practice in front of the coaches last spring. This is TOTALLY against NCAA policy, and a blatant disregard for the rules. Coach Williams even admitted he "knew he wasn't supposed to be there". In fact, this game broke two rules. First, coaches are not allowed to watch pickup games or practices during the off season. Secondly, Division I basketball teams are also prohibited from athletically related off season activities through final exams. This practice game was held so that Barack Obama could play some ball with college kids in front of the national media. Good for him. Bad for us, because Carolina was not given any sanctions, or placed on probation.

Their reason- "this was a unique situation and not an NCAA issue". Uh, why? Please explain further. Great-they got to play with a presidential candidate. So what? Why was this not an issue? And why was this swept under the rug?

In 1973, it was a HUGE issue when new NC State basketball recruit David Thompson played in some pickup games with teammates before the start of the season. An assistant coach watched a couple of these, and the rest is history. Because of this and other minor "infractions", NC State was placed on a year's probation. Big deal, right? Well, NC State went 27-0 that season, and was prevented from playing in the NCAA tournament. They would go on to win the NCAA championship the following year, but the damage was done. A championship was lost.

North Carolina is an overwhelming favorite to win the NCAA Championship this season, and lucky for them, the NCAA decided to overlook their major violations. I am glad we have a system in place that rewards certain teams with free presidential practices, and severely punishes other teams for the same "crime". When Barack Obama takes office in January, and UNC cuts down the nets in April, their paths will meet again at the White House ceremony. A privilege NC State was denied back in 1973. Perhaps instead of having harmless practices with teammates, they should have invited Richard Nixon to join them. Because according to the NCAA, illegal practices with politicians are "not an issue".

The Ragedratic Equation

Florida State x ESPN + Chuck Amato - Atrocious QBs(3) = Evening of Rage

Last night's NC State-Florida State game was maddening enough, but with ESPN's need to constantly hype an upcoming game (did you know Texas was playing Mizzou this weekend?) and with the traitor Chuck Amato in the house, I was scrambling for my sanity.

Let me start, however, with NC State's QB depth chart. If you took the top 3 QB's from every FBS school in the country, and lined them up from best to worst, Russell Wilson would come in at # 397, Harrison Beck # 411, and Daniel Evans # 418. I actually read a game preview yesterday for last night's game that stated "Russell Wilson is a real weapon for the NC State offense, averaging 108 passing yards per game". Uh, that is ATROCIOUS. Who wrote that statement, a 4 year old Labrador Retriever? People will say, "hey, he really didn't have a bad game last night". For him, you are correct. But the unnecessary sack he took at the end may have cost them the game. He threw 1 decent pass all night. Not good enough. Unfortunately, NC State has to use him, because their backups could easily be replaced with scarecrows, and no one would know the difference. In fact, I am 80% certain Daniel Evans is a zombie, and 50% sure that Harrison Beck has warm banana pudding in his skull where a brain should be.

Despite this lack of talent, NC State played quite well. They had the lead early in the 4th quarter, and were down by only 6 with the ball when ESPN decided to totally ignore the game to have an interview with Mack Brown. As this conversation went on, State's critical drive was of secondary importance to ESPN, as they just HAD to ask Mack Brown important questions, such as "how are you preparing for Mizzou". Um, no one cares. Not to mention, these coaches will not give out any valid info, so what's the point? The announcers did not mention anything about what was going on down on the field during this generic conversation. Nothing. In fact, I thought they were just going to stop showing the game altogether so they could keep the Mizzou-Texas game graphics on the screen. This is totally unacceptable. The game was close, State's drive was critical, and it was late in the 4th quarter. Was there not a better time to have this interview? It was hard for me to hate Mack Brown more than I already did, but congratulations, ESPN, you made it happen! And while we're here, does ESPN have millions of dollars invested in Frank Caliendo's career? He was on Mike+Mike earlier in the week, while the co-hosts fake laughed throughout his whole routine, and then the following day, Mike Greeny talked about how great and funny Frank was on the show. What was once impossible has come true-I now hate Frank Caliendo more than Robin Williams. ESPN-where your fantasies of rage come true.

Chuck Amato-it was nice to see you. No it wasn't. Stop claiming you built everything at Carter-Finley. It was going to happen with or without you. Even if you had some pull in getting facilities built earlier than they normally would have, you also played a major role in tearing down the trust of fans. Thousands of young Wolfpack fans trusted you and your overblown dreams of glory. You left them empty and bitter. So congrats on your team's win last night Chuck, it was just like old times-you leave Carter-Finley with 56,000 crushed souls in your wake.

Halloween-Night of the Living Amateurs

Halloween used to be among my favorite holidays. Now it is my most hated. Why you ask? Because of what it has become- a fertile ground for America's least original and least funny to take their comedy stylings to the streets and bars across the land.

Originally a holiday marking the line between the living and the dead has dissolved into a festival of guys dressing like girls and hundreds of hilarious George W. Bush impersonators.

Hey, D*ck in the Box guy- did you actually think you would be the only person that thought of that? What went through your mind when you went to the bar and saw 23 other people dressed like you? Did you then realize how lame, unfunny, and unoriginal you were? I hope so.

Look at me-I'm a guy, but I'm dressed like a girl, because it's Halloween. Isn't that hilarious? No. No it isn't. You look ridiculous. I'm glad there is one day a year for you to fulfill your cross-dressing fantasy. Good for you.

While you are spending 3 hours getting ready to go out to the nightclub that is offering a $50 grand prize for "Best Costume", take a few minutes to look at yourself in the mirror. This is what you should be hearing: "don't. don't do it. It's not worth it. You will not be the only Sarah Palin there. There will be at least 47 Sarah Palins. Some will be accompanied by John McCains. In a hilarious twist, some will be with Barack Obamas. You are not original. You are not funny. You are human waste. Why don't you dress as that"?

I can't wait for the onslaught of political candidates, wall street businessmen dressed like homeless people, and Jim and Pams from The Office. I won't be able to stop laughing, because you people are too funny. What are you expecting? Someone to come up to you and say "great costume. Steve Irwin impaled by a stingray-very topical". Is that worth the humiliation of knowing you are being mocked by people like me? Nope. And best case scenario is this: you actually have a brain, and come up with a truly original costume. Great. Four people will come up to you and say "wow. How funny. Good for you". Was that worth the 4 hours of preparation and the 6 hours of sweating like a hog while walking around in it? Of course not.

Zombies, ghosts, and skeletons, I salute you. The undead will always be preferable to me than the unoriginal.

90210-Episode 6 Summary

Disregarding the Living, Disturbing the Dead

A new student arrives in Mr. Matthews' classroom. She immediately flirts with him, and we discover that Mr. Matthews enjoys tacos. So, in summary, Mr. Matthews enjoys being inappropriate and eats tacos. Super. I hope he also likes being imprisoned.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It looks like 90210 is employing the Saved By The Bell plot device to get couples together-the 'ole raise a fake baby with your fake spouse project. This project DOES NOT EXIST in real life, yet we see it time and time again on TV. Make it go away. And yes, the teacher pairs Annie and Ethan together. How cute.

Naomi attempts an impromptu intervention on Adrianna, which leads to a brief argument. They reconcile, and agree to meet after school and her horror movie audition. I can't wait.

Annie's audition is completely dull, so hopefully, Adrianna will do better. While practicing in the mirror, she starts to crack. She can't remember the lines, and is shaking. She then snorts some sort of pill, calms down, and repeats he favorite drug-induced line to the director- she is "ready to rock". I like where this is headed. Yes! Adrianna gets the part, and disses Naomi to celebrate. She snorts cocaine in the front seat of an SUV. She looks so happy. I'm proud of you.

Silver is having a half-birthday party at the cemetery because she loves horror movies, but her boyfriend does not. So she invites him over to her now-empty sister's house to watch some. He notices a wall partially painted black, and Silver explains that she decided to paint just that one wall black. Looks like there was an emergency, because the wall is 2% painted. Not to mention, this isn't her house. Dixon falls asleep, disregarding Silver's bonding attempts. He blurts out jibberish after being woken up. No one does this. I see it all the time on TV, though. When he arrives home late, Annie's crying fake baby is creating panic. She can't find her. Oh, there she is underneath a pile of clothes in the bathroom. Dixon then, get this, CUPS the side of the mouth to yell "nice parenting" to Annie. The cupping of the mouth is totally unnecessary, as they are inside and 3 feet apart. Which wins this scene tonight's "scene that was written by a rhesus monkey" award.

Back to Beverly, where Mr. Matthews has yet another inappropriate conversation with a student about dating, and Ethan disregards human life by tossing his fake baby down the hallway like a football. After some playful banter, Mr. Matthews gives the new student a detention. During lunch. Is that legal? Clearly high, Adrianna attempts to explain to Naomi why she stood her up last night. While doing so, Adrianna takes out a tube of lipstick, which Naomi recognizes as the same tube she used to stick cocaine in. You know, back when she, too, was an addict. Uh, oh-the police have arrived for a surprise and highly illegal drug sting at West Beverly. In a panic, Naomi grabs the drugs, very conspicuously sprints towards the bathroom, and a cop discovers her trying to flush the cocaine down the toilet. Naomi gets arrested in front of everyone, but Annie and most everyone else realizes who's drugs they really were.

As night falls, students gather at the graveyard for Silver's half birthday party. Despite being marginally popular, it is very well attended. Thousands gather amongst the graves of the disrespected. Including the principal, Mr. Matthews, and scores of fake babies from the school project. Is it appropriate for Mr. Matthews to attend a student's party? Of course it isn't.

I guess city officials in Beverly Hills don't mind approving a large party at a graveyard, not to mention the family members of the deceased buried there. I know when I die, I won't mind having scores of high school druggies urinating on my grave. We do learn that the "new" student that was flirting with Mr. Matthews is actually an undercover cop, responsible for the surprise drug bust earlier in the day. Juicy!

Meanwhile, Adrianna appears at Naomi's house to thank her for taking the fall. Naomi pleads with her to come clean, and eventually, Adrianna agrees to show up at the lawyer meeting to tell them the truth. Just please don't go to rehab already-your drug abuse was just starting to get good. First, though, she has to tell her Mom. When Adrianna arrives home, her despicable mother thanks her for getting the horror movie gig, because it saved the house, adding a tremendous amount of pressure to my poor little Adrianna's life. Things don't look good for our heroine.

She again disregards her promise to Naomi, and leaves her to fend for herself at the lawyer meeting. Looks like Naomi will not be able to attend college or get a job, and may have to go to jail. Too bad. She didn't have to take the drugs from Adrianna, that was her choice. And it's certainly not Adrianna's fault that Naomi drew attention to herself by violently running away from the police. She'll have time to think about those poor choices while rotting in prison. Adrianna is the victim here, and has a bright future in teen horror movies. Naomi deserves to take the fall.

After the meeting Naomi calls Adrianna to berate her for lying again. There is no answer. Oh, nooooooooooooo! Adrianna has overdosed, and is lying lifeless on the floor as paramedics attempt to revive her. What a tragic ending to this week's episode. I am stunned. Will she live? Am I going to cry? Until next week...

Boo-Hoo

Yesterday I read an article on cnnsi.com by some guy named Staples. In it, he claims that a Tennessee Volunteer recruit backed away from his commitment because while visiting Neyland Stadium, the fans booed. They booed because the Vols were getting destroyed on the field, and have had a few frustrating seasons in a row. And according to this Staples guy, he was so taken aback that he decided to play somewhere else. Later in the same article, the author admits that this recruit overwhelmingly denies the booing had anything to do with his decision. OK, Mr. Staples, why is this kid's word not good enough for you? No person would EVER change their mind based on some boos. If a kid can't take some booing, he should be playing field hockey instead. So not only was this article totally overblown nonsense to begin with, the author decided to ignore the facts in order to support his theory.

The best part of the article is where Mr. Staples offers alternatives to booing that he finds much more reasonable in order to protect the fragile recruit's ego. He suggests that instead of booing, fans should just stay away. Empty seats supposedly would be easier on their little minds and hearts. Absolutely not. If I was a college recruit and I saw waves of empty seats, I would immediately want to play somewhere else. At least with booing, people care. Once the boos stop, and empty seats abound, real problems begin. I stopped booing at State games 2 years ago, at about the same time I realized NC State was never going to be what I wanted them to be. My expectations went kaput, my hopes died, and my boos turned into me not going to as many games. I guarantee recruits would rather see a full Carter-Finley with scattered boos, then scores of empty seats and shattered dreams.

Every few weeks, the issue of booing comes up, and it enrages me. Booing has been and always will be a part of sports. The fans that actually care and want to see progress will boo. The guy who goes to one game a season and can't name more than 1 player on the team is the one who gets upset when people boo. This is the guy who claps when State scores a touchdown to close their deficit to 54-10. Congratulations on scoring-we still lost.

Booing=Caring. Maybe if more athletics directors, coaches, and writers could grasp that simple equation, they would make positive changes instead of crying about people booing in the stands. Because silence is deafening.